Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into Chinese as "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave".

Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "it takes a strong man to make a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."

Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."

Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "manure stick."

Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.

The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem-Feeling Free", was translated into the Japanese market as "When smoking Salem, you will feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty."

When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most people can't read English.

Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).

In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into "Schweppes Toilet Water."

When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "it won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." Instead, the company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

Stupid Product Warnings

On top crest fire logs: Warning: Read caution. May cause fire.

On Japanese food processor: Warning-Not to be used for the other use

On bar of Dial soap: Directions-Use like regular soap

On some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestion-Defrost

On hotel-provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head

I use Oil of Olay facial wash and on the bottle it says oil-free.

On the back of Swanson TV dinners it says: "This product must be cooked before eating."

On a bra: Do not iron.

On a pair of jeans: Remove belt before laundering.

My dad had a sweater with a label: 100% pure yarn.

The great state of California requires a warning label on all packages which contain lead. This holds true for bullets (which contain lead, obviously). The warning reads: "This product contains lead and may be hazardous to your health."

Say that again?
The following were actual ads in newspapers and magazines:

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Our experienced Mom will car for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Semi-annual after-Christmas Sale.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cool with round bottom for efficient beating.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

Annual Going out of Business Sale!

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Now is your chance to get your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

Great Dames for sale.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Used cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hand-to-find person.

Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of a cow that does not smoke or drink.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.

Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.--Sisters of Mercy

On a dry cleaners-38 years on the same spot.

Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.

In a Florida maternity ward: no children allowed.

In a loan office: ask about our plans for owning your home.

On a convalescent home: For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.

Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.

At a number of military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.

On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.

In a Kentucky appliance store window: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.

In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.

Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.

15 men's wood suits, $10. They won't last an hour!

On a shopping mall marquee: Archery Tournament -- Ears Pierced

We buy junk and sell antiques.

Open 7 days a week and weekends.

On a radiator repair garage: Best place to take a leak.

Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.

In a graveyard: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

On a roller coaster: Watch your head.

On the grounds of a public school: No trespassing without permission.

On a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

In front of a car wash: If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.

Somewhere in England in an open field otherwise untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says: "Do not throw stones at this sign."

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

Don't let worry kill you-let the church help.

For those who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk please come early.

Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.

Friday at 5pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers' Club. All ladies wishing to be Little Mothers will meet with the pastor in his study.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Jones to come lay an egg on the altar.

The service will close with "Little drops of water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

The ladies of the church have cast off all kinds of clothing. They can be seen in the church basement Sunday.

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

A bean supper will be held Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Foreign Lands

On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service.

Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.

In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

In a Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.

In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such things, please do not read notis.

In a Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.

In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.

In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time, we regret that you will be unbearable.

In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.

These are actual Headlines taken from a Media Collection D-base:

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Farmer Bill Dies in House

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Stud Tires Out

Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over

Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

British Left Waffles on Falkland Island

Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

Eye Drops Off Shelf

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

Miners Refuse to Work After Death

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One.

War Dims Hope for Peace

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Deer Kill 17,000

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Needy

Arson Suspect Is Held in Massachusetts Fire

Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

Steals Clock, Faces Time

Old School Pillars Are Replaced by Alumni

Prosecutor Releases Probe Into Undersheriff

Air Head Fired

Hospitals Are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies